Monday, May 3, 2021
I am sad at the loss of my friend Shirley, but relieved that she seems to have faded gently away without a medical crisis. I understand that several of her kids got to visit her in person very recently. As I said to Shirley's family, having someone as a friend is different from having that person as a parent. So here is a little bit about my friendship with Shirley.
Shirley and I met at early morning aqua aerobics class some time around 1990. I picked her out of the crowd. Then, somehow, we both transitioned to the Adult Fitness Program at CSU, seeking something a bit more physically demanding. Ford was still alive and well in the early days of Adult Fitness. I remember Shirley telling me that he would have the oatmeal ready when she got home from the workout. Though Ford did not participate in the program, we crossed paths more than once on the Adult Fitness Christmas dinner buffet line and it was lovely to see them together.
I always hoped to turn Shirley into someone who loved walking so we could walk together beyond the Adult Fitness circles we did for warmup at the indoor track in the field house. I thought her knee replacement might be the key and breakthrough and I made lots of humorous threats and teases about it. I had to accept, graciously, that it did not turn her into an enthusiastic walker. But we still had many other things to share.
While Shirley never instructed me in anything, I learned from her by example, by how she lived. She took responsibility for knowing what she wanted, for knowing her mind, and for making those things happen with both independence and grace. She had a unique way of being clear about limits without being bossy. Other friends talked about downsizing as they aged. Shirley did it. Most of all, she modeled “good sport” in so many ways. My admiration for and appreciation of Shirley comes from those characteristics and many, many more.
When Shirley moved from Fort Collins she gave me a delicate tea cup and saucer from her collection, knowing that I have a special appreciation for and love of drinking from a thin-lipped cup. In the early days of living at Galloway Ridge, when she could still talk on the phone, we “met” for tea. The first time I visited her there she was mobile enough that we crammed in dinners at several restaurants, a dance performance, and a film. On my next visit we did a wheelchair museum visit, a tour of the gardens at Duke, and she indulged my nostalgia for the coast and we did the round trip drive. I also treasure the time when we sat outside in the Galloway Ridge gardens and I read to her. The hospitality of Shirley's daughter and son-in-law, Cindy and Brent, made it exquisitely comfortable for me to make those wonderful visits.
